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Hi. How are you? I hope you are in the pink of health.

Me? I don’t think I’m fine.

 

Yes. This is the consequence of being unemployed with a proper job and/or studying. My parents begin to notice this change in me- the sudden mood changes (from normal to cold/unhappy/moody/tired). My mother thought I was angry yesterday but actually, I wasn’t. I was not in the ‘speaking’ mood (or should I say ‘mode’?) My father asked me just now, “Kak, do you want some mood enhancer?”. I was thinking to myself “Is he going to get me a drug or something?” He said, “Do you like dark chocolate? I can get you some cuz it makes me feel good too.” And I thought “Oh, dark chocolate. Yeah, why not?” I like that ‘positive vibe’ that he transmits. I wish I am more positive.

 

I listen to Chopin most of the time, but Chopin’s music can be very sad sometimes, which makes me even sadder. So, to make myself feel better,I occasionally switch to other ‘happy sounding’ pieces like some pieces by Mozart and Bach. I also listen to Nodame soundtracks, KPOP, Tamaki Hiroshi’s songs (I like the singer actually, haha). And I’ve been watching La Corda (cuz Farah said this anime is about music. It’s an amazing anime after Nodame!) to make myself happier and of course, distracted. This anime has taught me a lot about music like music can’t be played when the player is stressed, which is true. Our playing has to be synchronised with our heart when playing the music. No wonder Chopin insisted that we should produce music from the heart.

 

Enough about music. Going back to the original concern of why I am unhappy, I’ve been thinking about the cause of it. Perhaps, I’m depressed. Perhaps, I expect too much from myself. But is it wrong to achieve higher? I don’t know. Perhaps, I’ve been staying indoors a lot. Perhaps, the main reason is I lack the happy hormones in my body. Speaking of happy hormones, I’m still confused with the three chemicals exist in our body that’s related to happiness: DOPAMINE, ENDORPHIN and SEROTONIN. I’m not a medic student so I can’t tell which one that I’m lacking right now. I shall find out more later. (not now, cuz I’m not in the mood.)

 

Sorry that I have to transmit this ‘negativity’ in this blog, but it’s mine, anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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